All people look for answers on how to relieve their suffering, in some way or another. This blog is to show how, through the power of selflessness and service to other, you can bring what you want for yourself. It is very interesting how people generalize suffering and lack. They seem to think that in order to make themselves fulfilled and enlightened, they need to meditate after the day is done to alleviate their own discomfort, after spreading hurt to others. It is very surprising to some that the very best way to bring peace and love into your life is through the survive of others.

Take an example. Someone knocked on my door and disrupted my sleep. I got angry and told them off. It would have served me better to just shrug it off and answer the door willingly wanting to help whatever their needs were. I got mad instead. But the surprising thing was, when I answered all upset and cursing, she responded by helping me. She told me I had pretty eyes and asked how I was doing. By the time I was done talking to her, I felt better, comforted. It's surprising what a little kindness can do for others. But what is more surprising is how it can help you by helping others. I ended up gladly giving her a cigarette and let her use my phone and I actually felt bad for my outburst. She could have returned my ill will by telling me off. She could have yelled and cursed back, but she didn't. I find that is a very important philosophy to take into your daily life.

Service to other does not mean to harm yourself for another. Nor does it mean to give others more than what you can give. It means that throughout your day, (and life,) be pleasing to others even in the face of adversity. Give a smile instead of ruining someone else's day with a snide remark. Show kindness to those who do not treat you kindly. If you do, your world changes. Your world opens up to become something more than just the mundane. It becomes magical. Faces turn from frowns to laughter. Spreading this kind of good will improves your lot in life and the others of whom you impact. Be kind, and the world is kind to you.

It is important that you understand something, though. Not to give your 110% is not a crime. Sometimes days go by with great stress and discomfort for no apparent reason. When days like that occur, it is the light telling you that there is something to learn by this. If you look at adversity with a light heart and try to learn whatever it is that is being shown to you, more times than not, you will come away with something more.

This is not to say that you should run yourself over a bridge to your death because something isn't going your way. This mean that you need to take time to reflect what has happened and try to find the answer to the question: "Why did this happen to me?" When you understand the answer, that problem will fade away and most likely not reoccur. Once you have that "Ah-Ha" moment and you understand what it is you were suppose to learn, there is no reason for that same discomfort to exist in your reality anymore. You have passed the test. Time to move on to something else.

The power of selflessness isn't purely to give and not take. It is a learning tool to better yourself in the service of others. More accurately, to spend time with yourself in the mirror. Smile at yourself, as you hear everyone tell you to. It helps. Remember that smile when you are with someone else conversing. You'll be surprised how "lucky" you will feel the more you try to smile and laugh off adversity. When you are kind to yourself, then it becomes easier to be kind to others. An empty cup cannot share it's drink. The same is true with yourself. If you don't "fill your cup" often, chances are you will become drained and unable to help others.

This is true with the opposite too. When someone else's cup is empty, and you recognize this in another from having a similar problem, share what you have in your cup with them. Give them a cheerful antidote. Tell them a joke. Complement them on how nice they look. Point out to them that they have done great things for themselves and others. Share your similar experience and how you overcame it.

Every situation is different. Be yourself. But to be yourself, you need to be someone you like and would like to help. If you don't like yourself, others may shy away from your helpful attitude for it will not be enough to be of worth to them.

When I contemplated the theory of "service to other", I saw too many problems and no solution. I saw the world as a gigantic mess and I was someone small and of no use to any of this. Start small. You can't save the planet, but you can cheer up your neighbor. If everyone would simply do that much for their neighbor, imagine what a nice world this would be. Try to see what you CAN do, not what you wish you could do. If you think small, you will feel more fulfilled in your goal to make your world, your small part of it, a better place.

Another scenario I like to address all the time is, how do I help the environment? I see challenges and waist and hurt all around. It consumes me every day. I feel I have no value and all I do is cause harm to the earth. That is not true at all. In fact, less conflict in other regions of the world is more important than the piece of paper I through away and did not recycle. It is true. Think about it. If there were less war and violence on this planet, it would naturally come back into balance.

When you are having a spiritual problem of some kind, who do you look to when no one else can help? YOU. Why not give mother nature that same benefit? Give her a chance to heal herself. Don't worry to much about the things you through away and can't be recycled. That would drive a person bananas and it usually does to some degree. Help the environment by helping others to feel better about themselves and about you. Don't worry about that oil spill in that ocean over there. You have absolutely no control over that at all. All you really can do is help the one next to you and help yourself. As the world becomes a happier place, less pollution is inevitable.

I know this goes against everything you have heard and read about and may be rubbing you the wrong way. But you must understand that when you attack yourself and others for something that cannot be helped at this time, you waist your time and energy in something you cannot change... YET. The day will come, I believe, when the environment will clean itself all by itself. We just need to get out of the way. It starts with just being the very best person you can be to yourself and others.
The way this was put to me when I was at my lowest of low for worry of the environment was this phrase: ?f you can't fix it, throw it back. It will find someone else who CAN fix it. This is a philosophy that most have a hard time with. They immediately think this is passing the buck so to speak. But the truth of the matter is, you CAN'T fix that. You don't have the technology to clean up that oil spill. You don't have the know how to make batteries that never need recharging. You don't even know how to make a nuclear bomb stay in it's bay. But you CAN help someone who can help someone, who can help someone, who can help someone... until eventually, someone who CAN do these things that the environment needs, is helped to take that risk and do something about it. Someone who knows HOW and is afraid to do something about it. That someone is out there, and unless that is you, I would put this out of my mind if I were you and try to think of how I can reach the person next to me that might reach that knowledgeable person afar. That is the very most powerful thing you can do. Stop kicking yourself for not knowing how to make a car that runs on water and start loving yourself for caring in the first place. Love yourself and then change the world by loving others.

The cause and effect of this simple plan is more powerful than you think and it starts with you. So get out of that chair right now, and find someone who cares and make them feel cared for. Really. Do it now. Stand up. Walk out that door and find someone you know needs a gentle hand and a kind word. The world is in your hands.



Part Two

Did you get up and run out that door or did you turn to the next page to read more? I find it funny how hard it is for us to do what we know we can do. It just seems too hard. It just seems too impossible. WE feel bad, who is there for us? Who knocks on our door to be there for us? It is a very lonely world for most people because no one really takes the time and gets up and does that for anyone. Most likely, no one takes the time to make even themselves feel better. It's a long process. It takes work and initiative. But most likely, it's just something we think we need, so why do that for someone else? And the world stays the same, a crowded but lonely place. Reading books that we think will make us feel better, playing video games, watching TV.... we all seem comfortable in our misery. We shut the world out and try to pacify our needs by ourselves.

Well, this might come as a shock to you, but the very best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else up. For instance, I decided to write a blog that would help the world. That was the reason for me to sit here and type. I wanted to help people on a grand scale. But the surprise I found while writing this blog is, my pep-talk to you ended up being a pep-talk to myself as well. I gave myself hope by trying to give you hope. I cheered myself up trying to cheer you up. That is how it works. When you take the initiative to walk out that door with only the goal of helping someone else feel better, you in turn will benefit from that and you will be surprised what comes out of your mouth. Profound words are usually the most profound when they are leaving your own lips.

If your soul intention is to cheer someone else up, you will find yourself laughing with them when they start to feel better. You will BOTH gain the help you wish to offer. You'll be surprised.

The same is with life. If you don't have the time to go to someone's house because you have an early morning at work, then why not get your sleep, eat a good breakfast in the morning, and go to work with the intention of cheering someone up at work? You don't have to make this complicated and hard to do. Just do what you always do. Start small. Tomorrow or whatever day is your next work day, PLAN in your mind how you would make someone there feel better about themselves. You know them better than you think. You know them enough to maybe understand that an older lady would like to hear that she looks pretty. If you can't think of anything nice to say, then why not say something that you yourself would like to hear? Through your own needs for kindness, you easily understand what others need.

Whatever stopped you from walking out that door and finding someone to help, please don't kick yourself for it. Congratulate yourself for caring about your needs first. That is something everyone needs to do. Take kindness for yourself and then you will know what kindness is. Quite literally, kindness to yourself is kindness to others waiting to exist. Give yourself a break. Think first of your own needs, then you will have the energy that it takes to take care of someone else's needs. Remember the empty cup idea? It is very true. Fill your cup with warm cocoa and enjoy some self-love.

As you get better at being nice to yourself, you will have the will and WANT to help others. It starts with you. And as you go out there and share that full cup of cocoa you have, then you may find someone has orange juice in their cup and will offer some to you. You may come home with several variety of drinks to enjoy and it started with your small cup.

This idea is like an infectious disease. Small kindnesses spread and spread like a bacteria. Imagine this cause and effect spreading all over the world? Imagine the sickness that we have as a planet being cured with our little bacteria. Being a kind of natural anti-biotic for the sickness of our planet. NOW you're thinking BIG! You are making a difference now! The world has a very great potential of calming down and becoming whole again. There is a great effort coming about by the people who want to change things. Is it possible that you know one of those people and you're not aware? Is it possible that if you were to seek someone out, they may have the way to make a difference? Can it be that you may give them the inspiration they need to take that action that before you, they didn't think they could do it? What if?

We are not alone. We are not separate beings living out our mundane lives. We are a society of people, interacting all the time. What if our interactions where something of a caring touch, a kind word? What if we all need what we all can give? What if we all came to each other's needs.... ALL of us? What are the possibilities? Endless. It starts with you.

If this sounds a little out of this world, well, yes it is. This is something we all don't understand perfectly. This is something not everyone entertains in their minds very much at all. It is sad how many people think that a simple act of kindness isn't much of anything and don't do it to begin with. But you know what? That person did at least think of it. That person had a thought that would have been a nice thing to do. That thought undone is something we all have almost every day. But we just don't do it.

It's so very surprising to me how easy it is once you do it and the benefit isn't just to the person you help but to yourself. You feel better about yourself. You feel proud that you, out of the 10 onlookers, were the one who actually did the thing that you were all thinking, Someone should do that. You get to have that pride and self worth in your heart. That is your reward and it does really feel very good.

Even if no one sees your good deed, you saw it. You know you did that, and you can give yourself that pat on the back for a good deed well done. Sometimes, the simple act of kindness that goes unnoticed is the sweetest. To have done that good deed without thought of recognition or reward is reward in itself. No one can down play it. No one can criticize you for not doing the way they would have done it. No one can take it away from you. It's the secret goodie that at the end of the day, you can smile about when you are falling asleep. It might be the thing you think of if someone hard on you for something they think you did wrong. It's that little nudge in the back of your mind that can say to you, you did something good that this person doesn't know about. I am a better person then he/she thinks I am. That little power in your mind's eye is all you need to let the world do as it will to you. When you know you made a difference and their judgments of you are flawed in more ways than one. It's that secret that makes you feel you can hold your head high and have a song in your heart.

Now, some people would say, isn't that wrong? Isn't that the opposite of humble? The simple answer is this, if you don't feel good about something, anything, then why do it? If not for yourself, then for others? Someone is going to feel good about something nice you did and it may as well be you! It gives you reason to do more of the same! It's like a drug, you get addicted to it and you want more. But to even come close to making this an every day thing for you, you yourself need some benefit as well, to make it worth doing and give you initiative. If you deny yourself the feeling of self-worth, you deny the world of what you can offer it. Feel good about that thing you did. Allow yourself to have that sweet feeling of, “I did something nice and I'm a good person for it.” Say it out loud, when you are driving your car to work or combing your hair in the morning. “I did that!” Those are words that fuel the flame of your life. That's the attitude that fuels future good works. That is what you deserve as well. You are the ruler of your mind and life. Be a kind one. Don't be a dictator to yourself and deny any feeling of worth. That may eventually defeat you.

Another way to look at it is, if you don't do it, someone else will. That is true to a point. Others can do that thing that is needed and they may not. What if it was something that was presented just for you, just for your need of self-worth. It is a gift from God. Would you deny yourself a gift if God gave one to you? No. So why not allow yourself to enjoy the gift of service to other? It was meant for you. Say “Thank you.” instead of “I don't deserve this.”

Another point I must bring to the table is patience. Patience is running a muck in today's society as something unattainable. True, it's hard to not get very angry in traffic when someone cuts you off. It is very tempting to blow that horn when you think someone deserves it. But it is of value to allow that harm done to be followed with “Ah. I did that once myself. I'm going to let it go as if that is me. If you were to understand that no one is perfect and be patient, you'll find less and less stress will be in your life. Patience is something this society needs more of. Patience affords us to pleasantly smile instead of yell at a seeming offender of some sort.

What if you were having a very very very hard day and you cut someone off because you had your head somewhere else? Wouldn't it just be the lowest of low for someone to react violently after a day like that? We need to understand that more often than not, people are having a hard time with something. If we were to think more empathetical, nature their mindsets, we can begin to understand what is needed in that situation and react more pleasantly. Try to see the offender in the imagination as someone who's mother just died. Try to think of them as someone who just got chewed out by their boss or fired. Try to Imagine the worst possible thing that could have happened to them and try not to add to their long list of woes. Have a compassionate eye. Try to have a feeling of love for them. Try to be as understanding to them as you would wish for in their shoes. More times than not, your imagination might be close to what it is that person has gone through or is going through. Babies aren't born horrible people. Something happened to make them that way. Try to have understanding and love for them, even if you have to think of them as small helpless children who were abused in some way. Patience stems from understanding. And understanding brings a kinder reaction to any situation.

If you need a more self-gratifying way of thinking about a harm done to you by another, think of it as, this is an opportunity to prove my self-worth by acting appropriately. It is a great service to other to react in a more calm and kind way. That very much is an act of kindness. When Jesus said. ?urn the other cheek he very much was on the money with that. 9 times out of 10, a person will be surprised and calmed instantly if you show them that restraint and they will not want to hurt you more. Kindness is almost always met with kindness in return. Even if it is as small as a less damaging swat on the second cheek. People don't like hurting kind people, generally. When you serve another in a reaction of kindness and appropriateness, you usually defuse the situation and things gradually calm down. As they say, the more kindness you show others, the more kindness you will see in yourself.

If a man comes home and doesn't take out his anger from work out on his family, that is an act of kindness. In turn, if you are nice to him at work, he won't have a reason to hold it in at home and the problem is defused at an even higher level. If people exercised more patience in every situation, there would be less violence in more ways than one. It is easiest to defuse where the violence stemmed from. So again, when someone cuts you off in traffic and you let it go peacefully, imagine the possible harmful scenario you have defused before it even began and give yourself a pat on the back. If more people were patient, the world would automatically be a much better place.




Part Three


A smaller, less noticed form of selflessness is gratitude. Gratitude is a way of showing love for another's good deed to you. That is a gift you can show daily to those who practice selflessness in every way they can. Your gratitude might even make a novice more motivated to do more good deeds. Gratitude is a gift in and of itself. Gratitude shows others that you noticed their kind works and it makes the kindness more apparent to you as you focus on the kindness.

It is important to show gratitude to yourself as well. Not many people notice the little things they do for themselves and go throughout the day unfulfilled in the small pleasures of life. When you hold gratitude in your heart for the little things, they feel more important and bigger in a way through your conscious observation.

Love is a form of gratitude. Love is the way the heart expresses gratitude. If you have gratitude in your heart for the little things you do for yourself, then that becomes a healthy, well-needed self-love. Not many people know this, but self-love is actually self-worth in the form of gratitude. When you thank yourself for being kind to yourself, that emotion translates to “I know you. I love you.”and more. Self-love is actually self-harmony and that harmony can expand to other dimensions of reality in ways we can't possibly imagine. It is very hard to pinpoint what love is, if we don't feel it for ourselves. Love starts in the heart and expands outward into our daily life. That feeling of love then translates to an act of kindness that then in turn reflects love back to the sender. Love is everywhere when you hold love in your heart for yourself. This is the trick that feeds the soul and makes life worth living. Love is something that when lost, is the hardest thing to lose for it is the most powerful and most sought-after of all the emotions. Love is something that when cherished, you can't live without it. If you were to fall in love, and many of us have, the loss of that love can be devastating. The same is so with self-love. No one offers themselves gratitude for that hamburger they just enjoyed, so self-love cannot be.

Imagine you are a child and no one loved you... ever. Imagine that one day, someone gave you a piece of bread and you did not say thank you. The child would inevitably be told, “What do you say?” and the child would have to say, “Thank you.” reluctantly. This builds resentment towards the words; Thank you. That resentment grows until the adult isn't grateful for anything out of sheer will to resent his parents.

The same is with self-love inevitably. You can't force yourself to thank yourself for things. Nor should you observe a lack of love in your heart. You need to enjoy things on the level that they are presented. Enjoy that hamburger as well as you can and leave it be. Don't push yourself to feel gratitude. That will never be. You need to hold it in your heart that you are happy to be eating it and allow yourself to enjoy it. A kindness shown to yourself will eventually feel like love in your heart for yourself. Self-kindness is very very over-looked in today's society. That is why no one can tell you how to love yourself, because many people don't know this trick.

Another way to garner self-love is to do things that you would normally not afford yourself. Give yourself time to heal a wound before you go out on your adventure to heal the world. Take that hot bath. Read a story that is uplifting. Play that game that you enjoy on your gaming console. The kinder you are to yourself, the more gratitude will start to unfold in your life. You are your own gate-keeper, let yourself out of that cage for a break more. Be that keeper that is kind, loving and gentle. The kinder you are to yourself, the more loving a person you will be, naturally. Self-love starts with loving actions towards the self. Be honest with yourself. Understand your needs in a real way and try to obey your inner wishes. It is a given that if a parent would give a child enough niceties, that child would have love and gratitude in his heart. That is enough.

Make a list of things you would like to afford yourself. Every time you think of something you would like to do or see or have, write it down. Be honest. No matter how vast the wish is, write it down anyway. Then whenever the time comes that you have time, money or a birthday, etc., you will have a plethora of ideas that would harness gratitude in your heart. That is the way to self-love, remember, gratitude to the self. When you feel grateful to yourself for a nicety that you afforded yourself, that gratitude turns into self-love. Every child needs a toy. Every adult is a full grown child, that still needs a toy. Be kind to yourself.

If you don't have money, why not spend time with yourself? Why not just do what you've always wanted to do? Or do you have a brand new idea that you've been wishing to try? Is anything on your list time consuming instead of money consuming? Set some time aside for yourself and enjoy that experience.

Many parents know that it is hard to have time for yourself while raising a family. If time is a problem, why not enjoy something that can be enjoyed with the whole family? An idea would be to try and involve a child in something that you would enjoy as well. Parents don't understand that if they don't take care of themselves as well as care for their children, they can harbor some resentment towards their children. Some resentment is so deep down and denied on a conscious level that parents don't know why their tempers flare too easily with their children. If you don't take care of yourself, you cannot possibly take care of children in a loving way. This is a problem in society that so far has very few alternatives that would function well in a family situation.

If your child is too young to enjoy something that you yourself would enjoy, consider a sleepover at Grandma's house. Find a safe place for your child to be cared for so that you can have a night for yourself. Try to think of a solution instead of digging your head in the sand (and screaming in that hole in the ground). Even if it's just the time you have to yourself in the bathroom to think of a solution that would work, you would be doing yourself a great favor putting your mind to it. The more time you put into thinking of a solution, the more hope you have of finding one. Even if you find a way to have 5 minutes to yourself every hour or so, that is better than nothing.

The point being, and I got off track, is to do nice things for yourself in hopes of resolving self-hate and self-abuse. Yes. I said it. Self-abuse. When you let yourself go without the things that make you happy, that is the same as if a belligerent spouse denied you nice things just to be mean. Imagine yourself being someone else, who is treating you the way you do. Would you like that person? In most cases today, no, you would not like you. So why not change? Changing yourself the the only thing in your life you can change in any way you want to. Change yourself into someone you would like to be your keeper And yes, you are your keeper. You hold the keys to your happiness. To love yourself, is to treat yourself lovingly. Plain and simple.

To sum up, be kind to others and be kind to yourself. This selfless way of living can bring the world to a better tomorrow. When you feel you cannot change the world and it's too much for little you to make a difference, consider changing your focus of effort to smaller things. Help your neighbor get unstuck from the snow. Bring some brownies to your friend and watch a funny movie with them. Give that complement that you've always wished someone would say to you. Think big, in small ways. If we all were a little nicer, the world would change into a place we all would like to live and not look forward to the “end in heaven.” Lets make heaven here and now!