The feeling of love is universal. Everyone wants to feel it but feeling it is not universal at all. Some people think that if they love someone else, they will automatically feel the love they wish for and all is well. Not true. Love starts from within. Love blossoms in adversity and other ways quite lovely, but not always. Sometimes love comes from inside and is immediately recognized as something of a novelty and dismissed as unimportant. All you need to do to have love is start from within. Start with the heart. ASK for some love from your higher power to show you what it feels like, if you are unfamiliar with love as most of us are to some point. Once you have found what love feels like, then it is your mission to create it in your life, one step at a time. Here's how.

Now I know you would think it's crazy to see the "how to's of love" explained with bullet points. So I will try to make it plain and simple without such a device. But it really is so very simple that it could very easily be a few bullet points. You will see step by step how to achieve love in your heart and in your life through this blog, and other literature on the subject that is prevalent in today's society. This book is more about making it simple and not to throw out countless exercises and drills to you as most self help books tend to do these days. Here we begin to focus on the "how to's", not "the how don'ts". In missing an important viewpoint of "how to love" we find the full scope flawed. I'll show you what is missing in most self help books on this subject and expand from there.

Understanding the fundamentals is a good start, so we begin there. Self-love is important and always overlooked in general. Self-love is where it all begins. To care for yourself in kind ways garners self-love. When you get up in the morning, do something nice for yourself. Set the alarm, the night before, for an extra 5 minutes to lay in bed and wake up a bit slower. Try eating something sweet with your breakfast. Or watch something more uplifting than the morning news. Or should we say, "bad news." Put on some music that you love as you go through your normal routine. Begin to make your day as nice as possible for your needs of feeling good. Showing yourself that "I care" mentality by doing what you usually don't afford yourself with your busy schedule. Now most people may think, "That silly. I'm fine with my normal routine. This won't do anything for my heart in the matters of love." When you think that way, you count yourself as many people do as, "someone who can't love." and dismiss any way to improve that.

It is important to understand that love begins with self-love. And self-love begins with being kind to yourself and doing more things that you would enjoy. Kindness to the self recharges your love battery and makes it possible to feel that love more and more throughout your life. Being kind to yourself is the same as if someone else was kind to you. You would feel a love for them in even a small way if someone did something nice for you. It is the same with self-love, the most powerful of all loves. When you're nice to yourself, you're nice to the world in return. You learn how to be nice to others through being nice to yourself. Through that learning, you will understand how to love others in the same way. It begins with yourself first. The kinder you are to yourself, the easier it is to be kind to others, and it spreads to the world.

When you come home after a day at work, consider putting on a movie that would cheer you up, instead of let you down. Try to put something on that you would really enjoy. If your loved ones are interested in something else that you wouldn't really like to watch, pick up a book that you would enjoy. Read it until your heart is content.

Be kind to yourself with the little things you can do throughout the day that no one else knows about but you. Maybe sing a song in the bathroom. Buy yourself that soda that you never allow yourself to have. Bring a picnic lunch and eat on the grass in the sun. Spend some time gardening on your off time. Pick up a magazine that you've always wanted to read. There are endless things you can afford yourself that you never allow yourself to have and when you disallow yourself, a feeling of self-HATE is your reward. Be kind to yourself. Don't just try that for a day and let it go as "something that doesn't work." This is a life-long lifestyle that begins with your first steps in trying to figure out what you really like. For the truth is, you've been unkind to yourself for so long, you will undoubtedly not know HOW to be nice to yourself at first. This takes time and patients to "figure out your nitch", so to speak. Keep practicing! And do it for LIFE!

Another point I need to make is, you don't expect to fall in love on a first date, right? Well, it is the same with self-love. In your first day, week, month, however long this takes you, you may not feel love for yourself right away. It takes time to fall in love. It takes work and trying. Don't give up. Keep at it. Try to EARN your love for yourself. With time and diligence, you will eventually "fall in love with yourself." All good things take time. And this is something that really does take some time and effort on your part. It starts with self-care and kindness.

Part two

Understanding what you want is one thing. Doing it is another. Another part of this is the idea that you need to be understanding and patient with yourself at all times. When you fail at something you set yourself out to do, don't chastise yourself or emotionally punish yourself. Try to be that kind heart that forgives. Try to be gentle on yourself and understanding of you perceived flaw. Coach yourself to do better next time and let it go, without self hate and without beating on yourself for this outcome that you perceive. Be patient with yourself. Be a kind parent to yourself instead of a horrible tyrant that forgives nothing. When they say, "forgive yourself as you forgive others." they never really tell you HOW. The best way to forgive yourself is to try to understand what it is that made you do this thing. Try to understand your perspective as well as the other involved. It is easy to forgive others to some extent, but the hardest is to forgive yourself. This is true, until you realize that if others deserve your forgiveness, then so do you! You deserve to give yourself that gift that you afford everyone else. You are as important as they are. So be kind to yourself. Give yourself a proper hearing as anyone else may have. Listen to yourself as he/she tells you your side of these things. Then forgive yourself through that understanding. It starts with listening to yourself and understanding.

The second thing you need to know about understanding is that you too need that pat on the back for a job well done. You need to say to yourself, I did a good job today, this is what I've done. Then list the things you have done either out loud, in private, or write it down. Simple as that. When you voice your achievements to yourself, no matter how small,
you confirm to yourself that you have worth and the job well done deserves praise. This simple act of kindness to yourself will pay dividends to your future. Because once you write it down, you acknowledge your worth to yourself in a very noteworthy way, and begin to do better in the future. If you have that little reward at the end of the day, that little self pat on the back, you will in the future WANT to achieve better. Knowing it will be recognized, even to yourself, makes all the difference. Start a list of all the things you have done today. Write them down. As this list gets longer and longer, you will feel better and better about yourself. And that good feeling spreads out into your life and interactions with others. It is a very valuable skill to recognize your own worth. It encourages self-love.

Another way to garner self-love is to be a little less discipline in your day to day life. Give yourself a break once in awhile. Allow yourself to fail at something once in awhile when it is just too much to bear at this time. For instance, if you are trying to lose weight, allow yourself a failure once in awhile when "it is just too much to take!" Don't chastise yourself for that failure either. I recommend patience with your quit, patience with yourself if you have that cookie. If you are kinder to yourself in the face of adversity, your own knowing of your kindness will eventually make you want to try harder and harder. Knowing that your shortcomings will be noticed, and not punished, so to speak. Trying to change anything about yourself is hard enough. Don't add to your discomfort. Be kind and patient with yourself. Allow that failure to have the air of "I tried. I'll do better next time." instead of "I failed. I'm no good." It is such with all things, losing weight, trying to quit an addiction, being nicer to your family, and so on. Everyone has something they are working on. It's your job to do what you can and when you fail, don't be hard on yourself.

Another nicety you can EASILY afford yourself is patience. Patience with yourself goes farther than patience for other. The kind of patience I am talking about is when you need to do a chore for instance. Give yourself time to "get around to it" instead of designating a time that you "must do it now." This patience is something you easily afford your children. You may ask them to do something and they may say, "I'll do it in five minutes." and then again you ask and they say, "Another five more minutes." This is something we really never grow out of. We always want to put it off and do it another time. Now I'm not saying you should wait so very long that it costs you. I am just saying, allow yourself the time to heal whatever thing it is you are working out and do that thing when you feel better and more up to it. This kindness that you afford yourself in the form of patience will inevitably help you to love yourself a little more.

Again, self-love is something of a novelty in most people's opinions. This is true. But what I am trying to bring to the table is this, "loving yourself opens you up to loving others more easily." It really is a very basic concept when it comes to the art of loving. If more people would love themselves, the world would have many more loving people and then be a better place for all of us to live. Loving yourself is the first step.

Now you have begun the path to self-loving. The path that leads to a more fulfilling life and abundance. It starts here. "Love yourself as you love others", as they say. Don't forget the first part of that quote: "Love yourself" Loving others is impossible until you love yourself. You can't give a man a dollar if you don't have one in your pocket to begin with. The more you love yourself, the more rich you will be in love and the more you will have love to afford others. Plain and simple.


Part Three

It is easy once you love yourself to go to the next step: loving others. Once you have done the ground work of loving yourself by treating yourself lovingly, you begin to love others quite naturally. With love in your heart, the world becomes a very beautiful place, and people become very gifted in turning their kindnesses to you. For instance, loving another for some small act of charity, makes them feel fulfilled and loved. It makes them want to do more for you as you are so very grateful and show your appreciation easily. This comes from knowing how to show appreciation to yourself first. Thank yourself for the little things as you would thank another is very good self work. (Self work doesn't have to be a chore, you see. Self "work" is literally translated to self love.) And loving others is easier when you first know what love is and how to attain it in your heart for yourself.

In feeling self-love, you will find yourself wanting to do loving things for others much more readily. For the love you give yourself in acts of kindness, teaches you how to love others in the very same ways. You become more patient with your children and spouse. Your neighbor becomes someone you want to do favors for. Even your pet will enjoy the benefits as you are willing to give them that extra toy or treat. Loving others is very fulfilling for you have the love you need and want by loving THEM, instead of waiting for them to love you. This is the way love works. You must GIVE love, if you want to get love. The first date idea comes more into focus here with this statement. The more you earn their love the more you will be loved. The more success you have in doing loving things, the more you earn the love you have always wanted. This is a powerful secret: Give what you want. If love is what you want, love them first.

Many people think they are not loved and they feel rejected when they wish to have more loving people in their lives. Loving people don't come around very much unless you are being loving first. You attract what you are, so to speak. But the thing that most people don't know is this: people may very well be loving you already, you just don't know they are because you don't recognize what love is. It could be that your neighbor greatly loves you and you don't notice it when he/she come around with a gift of cookies or brings you outside to chat. You never know when you are being loved until you first have love in your heart. I know this sounds strange. But if you don't know what love is, how could you possibly recognize it.

What about your spouse? Does he or she love you the way you understand? Or does this person love you in a way that makes you think "That person doesn't love me anymore." or you may think "I don't love that person any more." or "We fell out of love when the kids came." OF COURSE YOU DID! When you stop loving yourself and being nice to yourself and hold love in your hearts at all times possible, then love isn't present. You work so hard for your children's well-being that you don't self-love any more. AND you don't "have the time" to show your spouse you love them. How can you possibly love another if you forget to love yourself? How can you possibly love another if you don't show you care? You can't. It is VERY important to take the time to nurture love in your life by showing love to the ones you care about at any chance you can afford to. And once you are nice to yourself, you will automatically understand what loving actions are and how to go about putting them into effect for others.

Women have a hard time with this one more than men do, I believe. Women want to recreate that moment they had in that restaurant on "that special 15th date". Women think that if they plan a dinner with candlelight that it will make their love re-blossom as it once was. But this is very difficult when both parents work, the kids go to school, and errands need to be run. PLANNING your love may actually be HURTING your love. The best way to show your love is in ways that don't take all day to manufacture. The dinner for instance can go something like this. "I took time off work to come home and cook. I took time out of my day to send the kids to Grandma's. I waited an hour for you to come home. I looked nice before, but crying made my makeup run. HOW DARE YOU BE LATE!" and so on. This is not productive. The very best way to show love is to not plan it. Just wake up in the morning and PLAN ONLY to make an effort, in ways that naturally present themselves, to show your love. A loving touch, a loving word, a small kindness..... all the little things you would do for yourself if you loved yourself. You see we come back to self love. Once you earn your love for yourself, you will easily know how to earn the love from others. It's as easy as that.

So show yourself love. Be loving to yourself, FIRST and foremost. After that, show your love for others in the very same ways. But tailor your loving efforts to the things they would enjoy or appreciate. Don't make this a selfish venture. Don't do these things to GET some love into your life from others. The secret is to love others and they will automatically treat you the way you wish them to. Have love in your heart for yourself and others, and watch your life become magical. Understand though, it starts with you. Love yourself. Learn HOW to love yourself. Once you find that valuable nugget, it spreads outward to the others in your life.

Love and Peace be with you.