i was sitting on Calvary today already a couple of times (in my mind). The first time i was there, i was standing there during the Crucifixion, this time not taken up in my usual amazement that Jesus humbled himself to endure all of those disresepectful insults and tortures(publicly), but this time i was standing there realizing that the best place for both all my griefs AND my joys, my remaining desires and my fears, was right there at His feet and on His hill. It was just like He looked down at me and said casually, "look, girlfriend, just dump all your bags full of that stuff right here. that's right, empty them up here on this hill." So i did that for a few thoughts. The topics that worry me, i dumped that bag right there. The prospective joys that i feel possessive about, i dumped that bag... rattle rattle as all the pieces fell out of my duffle bags.

Then, a few hours later in the day, i found myself sitting there on the hill again, right on Calvary, Jesus is on the cross, and i am just sitting there also in meditation. I picture it grassy there, though probably it was barren dirt and rocks. I realized that i enjoy this scene a little, as i find association with humble souls who trust God to the fullest there, and who welcome me to be there also, a place i can surrender everything and have a break from the endless dualities of material existence and their attachments within.