http://spiritandword.org/blog/ Latest Blogs http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/give-up-on-being-perfect/ From Beyond Blue

In “Being Perfect,” bestselling author Anna Quindlen advises high school and college graduates to work from a...]]> From Beyond Blue

In “Being Perfect,” bestselling author Anna Quindlen advises high school and college graduates to work from a clean slate … to give up on being perfect. I keep the gift book beside my computer (with Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements” and many other books, information hoarder that I am) as a constant reminder to be myself.

Here are some excerpts from Quindlen:

When I try to recall the girl I was decades ago, at my high school graduation, I seem to have as much in common with her as I do with any stranger I might pass in the doorway of a Starbucks or in the aisle of an airplane. I cannot remember exactly what she wore, or how she felt, or what she said, or ate, or read. But I can tell you this about her without question: She was perfect….

Trying to be perfect may be inevitable for people who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and in its good opinion. But at one level it’s too hard, and at another, it’s too cheap and easy. Because all it really requires of you, mainly, is to read the zeitgeist of wherever and whenever you happen to be and to assume the masks necessary to be the best at whatever the zeitgeist dictates or requires. Those requirements shape-shift, sure, but when you’re clever you can read them and come up with the imitation necessary.

But nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great, ever came out of imitations. What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the world of becoming yourself.

More difficult because there is no zeitgeist to read, no template to follow, no mask to wear. Terrifying, actually, because it requires you to set aside what your friends expect, what your family and your co-workers demand, what your acquaintances require, to set aside the messages this culture sends, through its advertising, its entertainment, its disdain, and its disapproval, about how you should behave….

Begin with that most frightening of all things, a clean slate. And then look, every day, at the choices you are making, and when you ask yourself why you are making them, find this answer: Because they are what I want, or wish for. Because they reflect who and what I am.

This is the hard work of life in the world, to acknowledge within yourself the introvert, the clown, the artist, the homebody, the goofball, the thinker. Look inside. That way lies dancing to the melodies spun by your own heart….

Perfection is static, even boring. Imitations are redundant. Your true unvarnished self is what is wanted….

Give up the nonsensical and punishing quest for perfection that dogs too many of us through too much of our lives. It is a quest that causes us to doubt and denigrate ourselves, our true selves, our quirks and foibles and great heroic leaps into the unknown. Much of what we were at five or six is what we wind up wishing we could be at fifty or sixty. And that’s bad enough.

But this worse: Someday, sometime, you will be sitting somewhere. A berm overlooking a pond in Vermont. The lip of the Grand Canyon at sunset. A seat on the subway. And something bad will have happened: You will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something at which you badly wanted to succeed.

And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for some core to sustain you. And if you have been perfect all your life and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where that core ought to be.

I don’t want anyone I know to take that terrible chance. And the only way to avoid it is to listen to that small voice inside you that tells you to make mischief, to have fun, to be contrarian, to go another way. George Eliot wrote, “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” It is never too early, either.]]> http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/give-up-on-being-perfect/ Thu, 17 May 2012 17:41:56 +0000 Charlie Van Dyke http://spiritandword.org/Julian_Colgan/blog/the-place-of-death/ of pride filled ignorance,
the great cosmic medicine
of humility nurses me back to life.

Death's snare is ...]]> of pride filled ignorance,
the great cosmic medicine
of humility nurses me back to life.

Death's snare is right around the corner,
ever waiting to test me
with its determined effort to succeed
in canceling out all of my
spirited determinations to come back to life.

The place of death in my proximal awareness
is at first glance threatening
to my great restoration of a truth fulfilled nature;
but when viewed a second time,
death is the harbinger of hope inspired actions.

Dying without dying is the secret to
living a balanced life.
Living without metaphysically dying
causes extremes to arise,
and when extremes take over,
pride filled ignorance makes its way known.

To death,
stabilize me in your equanimity.]]> http://spiritandword.org/Julian_Colgan/blog/the-place-of-death/ Thu, 17 May 2012 03:49:50 +0000 Julian Colgan http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/the-bible-marriage-equality/
As a minister and Bible scholar, I'm proud that the president has publicly endorsed marriage equality.

Some sincere and thoug...]]>
As a minister and Bible scholar, I'm proud that the president has publicly endorsed marriage equality.

Some sincere and thoughtful people of faith are not convinced by clinical research suggesting that "sexual orientation" is deeply imbedded in the human psyche and largely beyond conscious control.

Others accept the research and believe that "sexual orientation" is a gift from God. They argue, however, that same-sex sex is prohibited by Scripture and tradition. This is the current position of the Roman Catholic Church, for example. It's not a sin to be gay, but it's a sin to have gay sex.

There are a handful of Scriptures that appear to say that same-sex sex is wrong, though on close examination, they turn out to be much less clear-cut than is often assumed, and none of them addresses the kind of mutually loving relationships at issue in the marriage equality debate. But even if these Scriptures were relevant to that kind of relationship, we'd still face a problem: How do you decide which Scriptures to use and which to ignore when you're making moral judgments?

Consider the oddly worded passages in Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13

"You (masculine, singular) must not lie with a male, beds of a woman. It's an abomination," and "a man who lies with a male, beds of a woman, the two of them have committed an abomination. They certainly must be put to death. Their blood is on them."

I assume that most of us -- whatever we think about same-sex sex -- wouldn't favor executing sexually active gay men. But on what basis would we make the decision that Leviticus is right about sex but wrong about execution?

How do we decide what to keep and what to ignore when we use Scripture to make moral judgments? Why would we say that it's an "abomination" for a man to lie with a man, but it's OK to wear a wool-blend suit, have a tattoo, eat hybrid fruit or have marital relations when the wife is in the "unwell" part of her monthly cycle -- that is, the days of her menstrual flow plus seven days of purification after that? Leviticus says that any married couple who has sex then should be "cut off from their people" -- a euphemism for execution. Why doesn't that apply to us, if the ban on gay sex does? How do we decide which Scriptures are relevant?

The 19th century slavery debate addressed this question. Both sides quoted Scripture. Measured by sheer volume, the pro-slavery side had a slam-dunk case. From start to finish, the Bible assumes and often supports slavery. Exodus says the Israelites were slaves in Egypt and God freed them. But in the very next breath, it legalizes the inhuman treatment of slaves: "if a man beats a male or female slave with the rod and he (or she) dies under his power, he'll certainly suffer punishment. If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, the owner won't suffer punishment because he (or she) is his property" (Exodus 21:20-21).

Abolitionists won the moral debate, not because they had more chapters and verses on their side, but because they finally convinced people that, whatever particular Scriptures say, freedom is the heart of the biblical story. It's the criterion by which all Scriptures are properly judged.

Exodus 21 pales before the spectacular revelation of Israel's God as the God who frees slaves (Exodus 1-15). Ephesians 6:5 and Colossians 3:22 -- "slaves, obey your masters!" -- fade in the light of Christ Jesus "who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God a thing to be seized by force, but emptied himself ... and took the form of a slave..." (Philippians 2). Slavery, though explicitly supported by many Scriptures, is incompatible with the witness of the Scriptures as a whole: God identifies with slaves, the oppressed, the marginalized. God values mercy and love and desires that all people live in freedom.

It may be the case that a few passages condemn same-sex sex. Leviticus apparently does so for the same reason it permits polygamy and limits marital sex to the two weeks the wife is ovulating: sex and marriage in this worldview are fundamentally about procreation, producing able-bodied children for household labor.

We, by contrast, marry primarily for companionship and love. Children are an expression of the couple's love for one another, but procreation is not typically the primary reason we marry. It makes perfect sense to us that people who can't or don't want to have children nevertheless marry. We marry for love.

As we make moral judgments on this, we should consider the primary purpose of marriage for us today, accept the insights of research, and factor in our experiences of decent, loving same-sex couples who responsibly raise children, go to church, tithe their money and contribute to the well-being of our communities.

And we should read every Scripture through the lens of a biblical story that reveals a God who creates human beings in the very image of God so they can share power in the world (Genesis 1:26-27), who says "it's not good that the human be alone" (Genesis 2:18), who liberates slaves (Exodus 2-15), who rescues the oppressed, who sets captives free, who proclaims the year of God's favor for all who are excluded (Isaiah 61) -- the story Jesus chose to preach for his inaugural sermon (Luke 4). It's the story of a God who says, "let the foreigner not say 'surely I'm separated from God's people' (though other Scriptures require such separation), let the eunuch not say 'surely I'm just a dry tree' (though this sexual minority is explicitly excluded from the community by Deuteronomy 23). I will give within my house, within my walls, a power and a name that is better than sons and daughters! I will give an everlasting name that will not be cut off! My house will be called a house of prayer for all the peoples. I will gather outcasts besides those I have already gathered!" (Isaiah 56:3-8).

Extending legal recognition to the sacred commitments of loving same-sex couples is a natural progression, expanding the blessings of freedom enshrined in the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. And it is, in my judgment, the Christian and the biblical thing to do.]]> http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/the-bible-marriage-equality/ Thu, 17 May 2012 01:14:16 +0000 Charlie Van Dyke http://spiritandword.org/profile-1524/blog/the-cross/
The Cross is the most bearing of gifts,
The Christ Lord Jesus Son of God amidst.
The Cross is the most prevalent of things,
The life an...]]>
The Cross is the most bearing of gifts,
The Christ Lord Jesus Son of God amidst.
The Cross is the most prevalent of things,
The life and the sovereignty the Lord brings.

The Cross is more than a piece of wood,
The place where our savior was misunderstood.
The Cross brings relevance 2000 years later,
To you, to me because of our creator.

The Cross is a mystical and magical place,
Where the Lord Jesus Christ took His place.
He died for you and He died for me,
Only so that our souls would be set free.

This unmistakable moment in time,
Is the work of the Lord it’s His design.
So often we fail to recognize His place,
The work on the Cross it’s Jesus place.

He said that it was His only begotten Son,
A work so intrinsic on how you and I were won.
The Son came to save our souls from a destined Hell,
The works of the Lord knows us so well.

He knows who we are and what we could be,
If only I would let the cross stand for me.
I know this and I fully believe inside,
That this is the life in which will reside.

The Cross placed a point in time and space
On which rests the world no matter your race.
The Cross is for all each and every one,
A place for your soul and heart to come.

The Cross speaks of many such things,
It speaks of God and the Life that He brings.
It speaks of the joy even thought sadness bared,
About Love about Life about Jesus who dared.

It really comes down to piece of wood to face,
About the Cross and where it is in your space.
Is it just wood or is it a special thing,
That you go to your knees when you know what it brings.

Jesus Christ the Son of God who wore the wood,
Brought the sovereignty of God to be understood.
He spoke the word and practiced in heart,
In every word, every action from which we cannot part.

The forgiveness He gave to both you and I,
Is the forgiveness that in 2000 years cannot be denied.
Yes thousands of years has passed us by,
Only to find it still His place in time you cannot deny.

The Cross changed the way we think and act,
If we place ourselves on the cross in fact.
It’s the faith that what’s written and you know inside,
That Jesus Christ made you sheep and He is your guide.

The Cross speaks for itself without a word,
It a wooden memory of Jesus Christ to be heard.
Our Lord offered His Son for you and for me,
One last chance to bring eternity to be.

Jesus died on a wooden Cross nailed,
Because we as His people had failed.
We failed Him then but what about now,
Will you accept His offer of the truth endowed?

The Cross is a symbol that stands in time,
A moment where mercy and grace were combined.
Given by Jesus Christ as He died for our Sins,
On a Cross of salvation where our new life now begins.]]> http://spiritandword.org/profile-1524/blog/the-cross/ Tue, 15 May 2012 21:12:30 +0000 William Reed http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/hinduisn-its-own-interfaith-party/ From Beliefnet

Yesterday, one of my team members at the Hindu American Foundation (HAF) noticed a rather curious omission on Wikipedia’s “...]]> From Beliefnet

Yesterday, one of my team members at the Hindu American Foundation (HAF) noticed a rather curious omission on Wikipedia’s “Interfaith dialog” page. All the major religions have a section on the page, except for Hinduism! Of course, the beauty of Wikipedia is that someone from HAF can (and will) edit the page with appropriate content for Hinduism, but the irony of the omission was not lost on us.

Pluralism is at the core of Hindu philosophy. This expansive idea that there may exist more than one path, more than one way, more than one journey to the Divine is the resounding message of Hinduism. There is an acceptance that people are inherently different, and the path that may suit me, may not suit you.

In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna talks to Arjun about the different yogas, or different paths to attain union with the Divine: karma yoga (the yoga of action), jnana yoga (the yoga of knowledge), bhakti yoga (the yoga of devotion), and dhyana yoga (the yoga of meditation). These yogas actually work in tandem, but each individual, based on her disposition, is inclined towards one yoga over the others. But ultimately, all of these paths, if practiced to their highest ideals, lead to union with the Divine.

Moreover, there are no saved people in Hinduism, just as there are no condemned people. A person’s karma is what matters. One of my favorite lines from the Hindu epic, the Mahabharata, is Lord Krishna’s retort to the common lament of having a “bad” day. “There are no good days or bad days,” he says. “There is only good karma and bad karma.”

Hindu teachings ask, “Are one’s thoughts and actions in accordance with dharma? Do her actions benefit or hurt society? What are the intentions behind each action? Are they selfless or selfish?” It does not ask if a person is Hindu, Muslim, Jewish, or Christian. These questions are universally applicable, as is much of Hindu philosophy. It is why so many people of all faiths (and no faith) have continue to find great solace and wisdom in the Gita.

Hindu prayers, for example, are a call for goodness, happiness, and peace for all beings. They do not distinguish between Hindus and non-Hindus nor between people and other life forms. One of the more popular Hindu shlokas, often heard in yoga studios, says, “Loka samasta sukhino bhavantu,” or “May all beings everywhere be happy, healthy, and free.” Along the same lines, many Hindu prayers end with the repetition of the word Shanti, or peace, three times. There are a number of explanations as to why it is repeated thrice, but one of the most widely understood is that the first Shanti is a prayer for peace for all beings on this planet, the second is peace for the universe, and the third is peace for the celestial plane.

Finally, Hinduism itself is collection of spiritual dialog and debate, and it fully embraces competing philosophies. For example, the Advaita Vedanta school of Hindu thought is non-dualistic. It believes that the atman, or soul, residing within each living being is the same as Brahman, or the Supreme Consciousness/Divine. Thus, the goal of the individual is to understand and realize this unity. A competing Hindu school of thought is Dvaita, or a dualistic approach, whereby the individual’s soul is distinct from, but dependent upon, the Supreme Being. Atheists also have a home in Hinduism.

Hinduism’s pluralistic core not only allows for, but encourages debate, dialog, and discussion as part of one’s spiritual growth, and therein lies its beauty, strength, and longevity. Hinduism is an interfaith party in and of itself.]]> http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/hinduisn-its-own-interfaith-party/ Tue, 15 May 2012 19:26:47 +0000 Charlie Van Dyke http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/spirituality-vs-religion/ From Buzzle

Spirituality vs. religion is an ancient debate. For some, religion is a set of dogmas and for a few it is a way of life....]]> From Buzzle

Spirituality vs. religion is an ancient debate. For some, religion is a set of dogmas and for a few it is a way of life. Some believe spirituality to be a bogus conundrum, while some affirm it to be the purpose of life. Irrespective of who has to say what or whether it is, spirituality vs. religion, they both lead the followers on a path to choose the right and do the right thing. The distinction between the two is a fine line of perspective. One needs to have a keen eye for exploration to see what is the difference between psychology of religion and spirituality. Let's take a walk through the two, to see what we understand.

What is Religion?
Religion is a framework to a way of living life. It is a set of rules that guides its follower and owns its followers. Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Sikhism, Judaism, Buddhism and Jainism are some of the well-known religions of the world. Each of these religions indulge in certain practices of worship, to reach God. Whether it's idol worship or worshiping nature or worshiping scriptures, each of these religion is guideline for worshiping. They are governed by beliefs designed by sages and saints who practiced the same. These religious faith and beliefs have been formed, to some extent, by cultural conditioning. World religions have been passed on to us over generations together. They take the form of traditions and customs, which decide the way we live our lives. In totality, religion is what sets our lives in a direction, and in a large way grooms us.

What is Spirituality?
Spirituality is not bound by any rules. It does not follow any religion and neither does it adhere to any set of principles. Spirituality is the art and science of self-realization. It's a practice of knowing each part of your body. Being spiritual means awakening the very spirit of being who you are. It's means to recognize what you are made of. It can seem complex in the beginning. However, all of us are spiritual beings, it is just a matter of realizing it. Spirituality is a walk towards the ultimate goal of your life. In essence, it's your journey to find yourself. There are many schools of thought that believe in uniting with the pure mental and physical being by meditating. Meditation is focusing on breathing, which is the very reason for existence.

Spirituality Vs. Religion
Both spirituality and religion aim to take an individual towards the ultimate goal of life. A religion does so by spoon feeding the individual. Religion gives the person set guidelines and asks him/her to follow. Often, religious beliefs instill fear of God in you and make you do things without questioning them. Spirituality is worship of self as it believes God resides in you and nowhere outside. The reasons to do so, often remain unexplained. On the other hand, spirituality is an individual experience of the encompassing effect. A spiritual person finds his own way, travels it alone and reaches there in a state of euphoria. Following a religion is doing a duty, whereas being spiritual is being who you are.

Spirituality vs. religion will no longer be a debate for you, if you can see beyond it. Beyond it lies the task of finding your purpose of life, fulfilling it and living it wholeheartedly. Today, I can finally find the words to answer my mother, who thinks I am an atheist. Atheism does not mean, not believing in God. God is a supreme power, the ultimate goal, the eventual destination or a universal belief. An atheist may not believe in an idol, but he sure does believe. The fact that one believes, is good enough to set them on the path, life has in store for them. So, spirituality vs. religion, does not matter as long as you are ready to explore this life, the only one that you have.]]> http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/spirituality-vs-religion/ Tue, 15 May 2012 18:57:38 +0000 Charlie Van Dyke http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/don-t-even-think-about-divorcing-until/


Here, tips for how to save a marriage and avoid divorce from 13 extraordinary people who believe in doing whatever it t...]]>


Here, tips for how to save a marriage and avoid divorce from 13 extraordinary people who believe in doing whatever it takes to sustain the biggest love of your life.


Whatever it takes
There you are, trucking along in your life, your marriage. Maybe you're six months out from the altar, or two years, or 12, or 20. Your husband is unaccountably late coming home from work again. Or he's distant or cranky again. Or, as in my case, he leaves his rancid gym clothes on the clean bedspread again. Or he butchers an entire pig in your kitchen again (yes! He's taken the whole know-where-your-meat-comes-from thing to the extreme). And you think, no matter how happy or in love you felt just yesterday, Good grief, wouldn't all this be easier without YOU? Marriage is long and hard. It's no picnic, yet at times it feels like a joke: Millions of us are trying to move - and grow, and breathe - while shackled to another person, as if in a three-legged race. Wouldn't it be easier to div____?


And yet, the D-word. It's so dire. No person stays committed forever without at least contemplating life solo, but do you really want to amputate your sometimes better half? Here, a panel of wise authors, therapists, artists, lawyers, and scientists makes the case for sticking it out. Even if your union is rosy right now, consider this required reading. Use it to appreciate, nurture, and take a mental snapshot of what you have. Some day you may find yourself (or a dear friend) on the brink, and you'll want the best tools possible to help you remember what's at stake and salvage what you've got. With that in mind, try these tips to save your marriage before you sign the divorce papers.



Don't divorce until you...
...try writing down your thoughts and sharing them with your spouse. There are things you can't say but that you can write, if you carve out a space of solitude and give yourself time to reflect. Your spouse might be able to hear you for the first time too, because writing takes you out of the realm of combat. You can elicit what's behind the anger. Often, it's sadness. - JANE MCCAFFERTY, AUTHOR OF THE NOVEL FIRST YOU TRY EVERYTHING, ABOUT A DIVORCING COUPLE, AND RECIPIENT OF TWO PUSHCART PRIZES


Don't divorce until you...
...compare the cost of good marital therapy, and meaningful (even extravagant) investments in your marriage, to the price tag of divorce. Just one meeting with an attorney could buy you and your spouse a weekend at a nice spa. One month's legal bills could buy you a full course of couples therapy and countless date nights. If you're juggling work and parenthood, you might be able to save your marriage just by devoting the resources you'd put toward divorce toward staying together instead. - ELISABETH J. LAMOTTE, COUPLES THERAPIST IN WASHINGTON, DC


Don't divorce until you've...
...done enough honest self-examination to find out why you want to divorce in the first place. Because you would never want to take on something as monumental as a divorce unless you're going to change and grow from it. So ask yourself: "How did I get myself into this situation? Why did I pick this person to marry? What did I do to create terrible communication or anger or deadness?" Until you're willing to look at that, you'll just end one situation and pick up right where you left off in the next. Even if there is no next marriage, you'll re-create the dynamic in relationships at work, or in friendships, or with your children. Most marriages aren't black-and-white. Almost always, when things deteriorate, both people have contributed mightily to the demise. - ELIZABETH LESSER, COFOUNDER OF THE OMEGA INSTITUTE FOR HOLISTIC STUDIES IN RHINEBECK, NY, AND AUTHOR OF BROKEN OPEN: HOW DIFFICULT TIMES CAN HELP US GROW


Don't divorce until you...
...let go of the fantasy that you're going to find someone who's perfect in all the ways your husband is not. People think they're going to find whatever is missing in their marriage. But with divorce, you trade off one set of problems for another. Imagine seeing your ex at a soccer game flirting with another woman. Imagine how that would feel. Because if you get divorced, people are going to be setting your husband up with women - appealing women who will find him fascinating. I'm not saying you should stay with someone if there are real problems. But if you're just sort of feeling like, "Well, I don't know. He doesn't inspire me. He's not interested in my book club selection...," think again. - LORI GOTTLIEB, AUTHOR OF MARRY HIM: THE CASE FOR SETTLING FOR MR. GOOD ENOUGH


Don't divorce until you...
...try touching. I've found that a lot of couples stop touching long before they split up. When I suggest it, they go, "But I can't even talk to this person!" And I tell them there's no talking required. Just touch in silence. Be quiet. This can mean sitting next to each other so your bodies are touching while you're watching TV. The first time's going to be awkward, so give it a few tries. Then move on to hand-holding. Then a massage - just the hands or feet. Then spooning in bed. Touch increases the hormone oxytocin and makes couples feel closer. It takes away that urge to attack. It helps you remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place. Because you can't tell an angry or disconnected couple to go have sex. Uh-uh. But touching in silence can help you find that little flicker, and then you can try to increase that little flicker, and if you can do that, chances are you'll be able to reconnect emotionally, too. - HILDA HUTCHERSON, M.D., OB/GYN AND PROFESSOR AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY AND REDBOOK'S "INTIMATE ANSWERS" COLUMNIST


Don't divorce until you've...
...considered that children often bear the scars and burdens of divorce long after parents have moved on and started over. Short-term damage to children is obvious. But it's when children become adults that you really see the cost: difficulty facing mature relationships of their own, difficulty raising children of their own. In our culture right now, pulling the trigger to divorce, sadly, can be as easy as shopping at the mall. It shouldn't be. - ANDY BACHMAN, RABBI, CONGREGATION BETH ELOHIM, BROOKLYN, NY


Don't divorce until you...
...can vividly imagine your partner kissing somebody else, and you don't care. We've evolved three distinct brain systems for mating and reproduction. One is the sex drive. The second is romantic love. The third is deep feelings of attachment. Before you divorce, you need to be at the point where you feel no sexual interest in your partner, no feelings of romantic love at any time, and no deep attachment. You really don't? Then you're free. - HELEN FISHER, PH.D., BIOLOGICAL ANTHROPOLOGIST AT RUTGERS UNIVERSITY


Don't divorce until you...
...have dealt with the fact that your marriage has concealed a whole host of your personal defects from public view, and everyone prowling around the single kingdom today has X-ray glasses. - LIZ PHAIR, MUSICIAN AND WRITER OF "DIVORCE SONG"


Don't divorce until you...
...spend the next year treating your spouse as curiously, respectfully, and gratefully as you would a mysterious stranger. Henry Miller once said that a man's friends were his worst enemies because they believed they knew who he was - and they limited him to it. How much truer this is for spouses! We think we know our partner's deepest identity. But if we spent half the effort courting him as we might an exotic-accented stranger, he'd likely prove twice as grateful and at least as interesting. - CRISTINA NEHRING, AUTHOR OF A VINDICATION OF LOVE: RECLAIMING ROMANCE FOR THE 21ST CENTURY


Don't divorce until you're...
...clear that you are making an examined, not rash, decision. Some people divorce in a state of intense reactivity - for example, on the heels of being betrayed, lied to, or cheated on. When you're hurt and angry and upset, and in shock, you're in your reptilian brain. You're in fight-flight mode. Better to wait until the shock has passed, until you can breathe and contemplate your life. - ESTHER PEREL, AUTHOR OF MATING IN CAPTIVITY: UNLOCKING EROTIC INTELLIGENCE


Don't divorce until you've...
...left no stone unturned. Before you end something, you need to make sure you can walk away saying, "We did everything we could do." I'm divorced, but my ex-husband and I, we're family. We're soul mates. "We're best friends. I think it takes as much work to have a happy divorce as it takes to have a happy marriage. You have to be respectful of the other person and what they're going through. You have to be insightful about your own issues, what you may be projecting onto that person. You have to stop making everything about how you feel. Before you think about getting divorced, you need to step outside yourself. Gain some distance. Establish a level of respect. Then work like hell at figuring out who you two were meant to be to each other. Maybe it's not a married couple. But obviously, your paths crossed; you developed feeling. Now find the shelf where it best fits." - FRAN DRESCHER, CO-CREATOR AND STAR OF THE TV LAND SITCOM HAPPILY DIVORCED


Don't divorce until you...
...consider that, with the possible exception of permanent disability and long-term imprisonment, there are few financial calamities more devastating than divorce. Both spouses will need retirement savings sufficient to cover a household. People may need therapy. And there's a good chance careers will be damaged because you'll be distracted and may decline promotions or transfers. All these things can limit your financial prospects. - RON LIEBER, "YOUR MONEY" COLUMNIST FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES


Don't divorce until you...
...stop and realize that your spouse might marry somebody you could have issues with. Are you going to be responsible and grown-up enough to embrace that person? To see them as your family? Because if you have children, you'd better be. Are you sure you're going to be tolerant of someone you've never met, or maybe don't like, being directly involved in your kids' lives? Listen, I have a wonderful second marriage and a great relationship with my ex and his wife, but it's a very serious thing to get divorced. You need to be flexible, open-minded, and full of goodwill if you're going to do things right relative to your kids. And you need to be all of those things immediately, when you're hurting. Because being angry or mad or bitchy about your ex-husband or his new wife, your kids' stepmother, is doing them no favors. Now, when my ex-husband comes to see the children, he stays in our house and my husband and I leave - because that's what's best for the kids. That's called tolerance. A lot of people say, "Oh, my God, I could never do that." But how could you be in my situation and not do that? The minute you break up your family, you need to start repairing it, and you have to bend over backward to do it. In divorce, you have to be even better at compromise and change than in marriage. And it's better for the kids if you do it with a smile - a real one. - ISABEL GILLIES, ACTRESS AND AUTHOR OF THE DIVORCE MEMOIRS A YEAR AND SIX SECONDS AND HAPPENS EVERY DAY]]> http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/don-t-even-think-about-divorcing-until/ Tue, 15 May 2012 18:00:13 +0000 Charlie Van Dyke http://spiritandword.org/profile-455/blog/live-in-the-layers-not-on-the-litter-2/
____________________

The Layers
by Stanley Kunitz

I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
"Live in the layers,
not on the litter."
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.
_____________________________________

Housden follows this poem in his book by writing:

Stanley Kunitz was in his seventies when he wrote this poem. Today, at ninety-eight, he is still writing, the oldest active poet alive. Still now, at his venerable age, he does not consider himself "done with my changes." One of the great American poets of the twentieth century, and twice poet laureate, he is a man dedicated to the aesthetic life, to the persistent aspiration toward truth and beauty. His daily existence is dedicated to the life of the soul; and the soul of a man like Kunitz never stops flowering.

I can choose to live on the 'litter' the garbage in my life that is non life giving, bringing out my base nature, settling for mediocrity and worse. Or, I can 'live in the layers', the very rich, deep, textured layers of ALL my life. All things are recycled--are gifts, which cannot only be learned from but worn as a transcriptional garment to assist in living more fully present.

Housden goes on to speak of this understanding when he writes of Kunitz' life:

He has passed through many lives, not just those of others, but many that he himself took on and then later let fall away. Or perhaps some of them were torn from him by the winds of fate, by circumstance, or by others. I know that his first wife, whom he loved greatly, suddenly disappeared from his life one day, and that he never heard from her again. Then, within a short span of time, and not long before writing "The Layers," he suffered the loss of his mother and two sisters, as well as several of his dearest friends, including the poet Theodore Roethke and the artist Philip Guston. With great dignity, he speaks in this poem of the losses he has known and what it is that survives when all else is gone.



Yes, this thing called 'life' that can only be understood backwards but we must live it forwards. And though I too 'lack the art to decipher it" as Kunitz concludes his poem, "No doubt the next chapter in my book of transformations is already written. I am not done with my changes."]]> http://spiritandword.org/profile-455/blog/live-in-the-layers-not-on-the-litter-2/ Tue, 15 May 2012 16:29:42 +0000 Brother Ken http://spiritandword.org/profile-1524/blog/gods-cradle/
While you were out today
God sent me some news,
He said that your heart was suffering
And in need of His point of view.

He asked me t...]]>
While you were out today
God sent me some news,
He said that your heart was suffering
And in need of His point of view.

He asked me to support you
In this time of need,
He said that you needed love
But you failed to take His heed.

So while you were out
I thought I would take the time,
To show you God’s cradle
The one from the great Divine.

His cradle moves with mercy
Like the kind only God can show,
His cradle moves with Grace
The kind God wants you to know.

God’s cradle is large enough
To hold the universe at bay,
Yet made small enough
With room for just you to lay.

His cradle moves back and forth
In and out of time,
A place where eternity
Is allowed to ever shine.

The cradle is constructed
Of a material only God can make,
It’s called hope and love
With a fabric of mercy and grace.

It comes out of the universe
Where the Lord Himself resides,
A place of ultimate sanctity
A place where your soul collides.

The collision is a union
Between yourself and God,
A cradle of love forever
When you give the Lord a nod.

Acknowledgment of His presence
And His eternal love for you,
It comes though His Son Jesus
Only then does His infinite love ensue.

So while you were out today
I thought I would write you this note,
That God loves you dearly
And without you His cradle is broke.]]> http://spiritandword.org/profile-1524/blog/gods-cradle/ Tue, 15 May 2012 16:15:15 +0000 William Reed http://spiritandword.org/profile-390/blog/we-cause-our-resentments-period/ The reason we seek a way out of resentment is because the resentment or resentments are hurting us, and we see it effecting our lives in the way resen... First and foremost being angry at someone is human. Staying angry at someone is unhealthy for me. If I have a lot of these 'staying angry at' or resentments it is going to effect the people around me. I become easy to judge, impatient, self-pitying. How I love to tell others how others have wronged me.
To be angry at someone is human, and has, does, and will happen. If you embarrass me in front of other people, it is NOT your fault I get annoyed when I see you. It is not your fault when 5 years later I burn up a little when I remember the experience.
Our resentments are our faults; not the person(s) we are resentful towards. You can rationalize it any way you want. Tell yourself a story that makes it the other person's fault you are still angry at them 5 years later. The problem is, none of what you do, removes the resentment for good and all. You would think a man or woman burdened by resentment would be more concerned with removing the resentment than holding onto it because it justifies the dishonesty about how it's somebody else's fault they have a resentment. People with a lot of resentments can get a perverse sense of pleasure at the thought of many people annoying them. It gives them a comfortable feeling of superiority.
We are the cause of our resentments. You may not think that that is the good news;but it is.
The praying for another person, we are angry at, for 2 weeks, applies only to someone we are resentful toward, and we have found we still harbor ill will toward them even after we have discovered, and believe it is our thinking that has caused us to carry the anger long after the experience that caused it. Remember this whole resentment business is completely internal, and going on within ourselves. It has absolutely nothing to do with the name we place on our anger.
Like I just said this praying business is for the resentments we ourselves can not see our way out of.
I have stated here a couple times that the resentments are our own faults. I want to explain why. Hopefully buy doing that I will ease your possible growing resentment toward me and make clear what I mean, and the real truth behind how the resentments become..
You will have to have something to write with and a piece of paper.
First write down 25 people you are angry at.Write the whole list leaving 4 or 5 lines between each name before going on to the next instruction. Resentment in this context is defined as ANY ill will. So you could be burning mad or a little peeved at someone you love or like, or even mad at someone on TV; it doesn't matter what you THINK in rationalizing why you SHOULDN'T be angry. Is there ill will or not? Big or small it doesn't matter. This first step is about FEELINGS-- NOT thought. This is easy to do if you get what a resentment is, and start writing. It is only in DOING that one understands and experiences. Also the resentment can be not even about something that was done. Take resenting how someone looks; or what we think someone thinks about us, or even because they are too fat or too skinny. DO not be ashamed of these things; ILL will toward anyone for ANYTHING happens to the most spiritual among us. The only difference is knowing the way out. . Like Nike, just do it. Also, disappointment IS resentment. Upset is resentment. A little angry IS resentment.
Next, write down what they did or whatever it is you are angry for. keep it simple, and to the point. This is not about pouring your feelings out on paper. This is an exercise in getting to the truth.
Next, there are three basic human instincts. Instincts for sex. Instincts for financial security. Instincts for social or emotional security( has to do with your ambitions and feelings toward family, friends, and social standing). You cannot get a resentment without 1 or 2 or all 3 of these instincts being 'threatened' or effected.
If some guy is hitting on my sweetheart, that could effect my sex instinct. It could also effect my social instinct. Suppose it has happened in a club, and, others that know me, witness it ?? Sure it would, I would be ashamed and embarrassed, and MORE angry.
Suppose I am let go from a job because of 'downsizing'; losing a job would effect my financial security, wouldn't it?
It may even effect all three instincts if you think about it. But it is for you to decide what instincts are involved.
What if my dad yelled at me in front of my friend? My social instinct is effected. These are examples to show what the three instincts look like;but I have given no instruction, YET....
The next thing you do is write down which instinct or instincts were affected, so it will now look like this:
Joe his attention toward my sweetheart sex instinct, social security(emotional)

Sandy She snubbed me social instinct, sex instinct

Max he is always one upping me. social instinct
he's always talking with the boss. financial security social instinct and sex instinct

Mom she abandon me. she didn't protect me. Social instinct(emotional)


Ryan Didn't approve of Julia Sex instinct/ social instinct


People that buy instant tickets financial instinct


Jeff he stole from me social instinct/ financial instinct



government they have more power than me Financial/ sex/ social instincts



mrs. clara She's a gossip Social instinct.


This is what we have so far. You COULD make a list as long as you like. The next point here is to show you how it is OUR thinking that causes us to have these resentments. One could have 100's of little stupid ill will feelings toward others. It doesn't matter how small they are; they block us from the truth and God.
To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived. It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with those whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit.
Even when writing these resentments to this point some of you will see you are the cause of it right away, and it will look ridicules, and you may feel a little shame. This is all to the good, and shows the value of writing it out. This process is a window into the mind; and hopefully an awakening of the soul.
The next step here is where we take the inventory and see how we caused these resentments. It is a place none of us have gone to, and takes a great amount of self-honesty, and the humility to put the other persons faults out of the picture to do it. It takes a real stud. REMEMBER, in most cases, it is not that we got angry; it is that we are still angry.
We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? Notice the ones you would call 'stupid' or ridicules.
Next we are going to answer for question for each resentment.
The first is where were we selfish? This means what did I want?
The next is where was I dishonest? That means what was the story I told myself? It does not mean telling a lie; it means the lie I told myself.
3rd, where was I self-seeking? That means, what actions did I take? Actions in this context could mean self pity, or not taking actions I should; or of course actions I did take-- including gossip; you know talking about how you were the victim, and this guys an asshole.
lastly, what is my fear? Maybe fear of not being enough; or what people will think or do think. Not getting what you want.


This is the four fingers that point back when we point at someone else. Every resentment has these 4 elements; and they are the cause of all the resentments. Only you can answer them. It may take a long time to see the real truth; but if you are an angry judgmental person this can be your steps to self awareness at least.
I've done this work along my way to God consciousness. I know 100's that have done the same work. It works IF you do it. I will give a couple examples,that may help;



Jim He snubbed me social instinct Selfish---- I want Jim to like me.
Dishonest---- He should like me. He has no reason not to like me.
Self-seeking---- I flirted with his girl friend, I told everybody he thinks he's
better than me.
Fear---- Not being enough. If Jim doesn't like me, other people will think I
am a loser. What others think.



Mike Always late to work financial instincts selfish---- I want him to be on time, all the time, so I can make more
money.
dishonest-----If he would be on time MY life would be better.
If he listened to me, his life would be smoother.
He's making my work day suck.
Self-seeking--- I yell at him. I tell everybody that will listen about how
bad he is treating
Fear--- not having enough. what my boss thinks about me.

I can now see how my thinking sets the ball rolling and I get a resentment. It is ALL selfishness and fear that cause my resentments.
The more resentments you get down on paper, and are able to do this 4 question 'turn around',the better.
There are some resentments that will be difficult to do this 4 step turn around on. So angry at someone, that ego refuses to put the harm someone else did out of our minds to do it, We still want to be angry at them, and we feel it is a case of 'justified anger'. Here we have lost all perspective, and forgot that it is NOT that we got angry at them, it is that we still are angry at them.


I will tell you;having done this work, I now longer have resentments. I deal with it right away by answering the 4 questions, by talking to another person that has done this work to. I ask God to save me from being angry, and then I resolutely turn my attention to something useful I could do that helps someone else, To STOP loading little angers on top of each other and carrying them around, it is worth it to do the work and get honest. Eventually you begin to have love and tolerance for the rest of humanity. You begin to see it is pointless to become angry with people, who like yourself, suffer from the pains of growing up in this world. Then you begin to approach true tolerance and brotherhood for ALL of humanity. This is how you will think about all people, IF you do the work and continue to pray and help others.]]> http://spiritandword.org/profile-390/blog/we-cause-our-resentments-period/ Tue, 15 May 2012 01:41:30 +0000 Henry Robert Kimball http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/end-of-life-care-and-death/
The Tibetan teacher Sogyal Rinpoche once said. "To die is extremely simple. You breathe out, and you don't breathe in." This is perhaps...]]>
The Tibetan teacher Sogyal Rinpoche once said. "To die is extremely simple. You breathe out, and you don't breathe in." This is perhaps the best way to explain the transition into death. Or perhaps we should say should say that this is how the transition into death is supposed to be. But this is not the experience most people in the modern world have with death. Instead, for most the transition into death is a difficult one, filled with fear and filled with pain. Most people do not like to think about death. Death has become a subject that we avoid looking at while it chases us down.

It is the great inevitability of life, an inevitability that we spend billions of dollars trying to avoid every year. Some of us even make the very purpose of our lives a quest for physical immortality which places us in a quandary, a quandary where we resist death to such a degree that we inhibit ourselves from really living. Many of us do not actually sit with death and try to understand it until it has caught up with us and we can no longer avoid it. Most of us never ask who it is that lives and dies. As a result, we have forgotten how to die well without suffering. We have also forgotten how to aid people with the transition into death.

On average, Medicare pays $50 billion per year just for doctor and hospital bills during the last two months of patients' lives, which is more than the entire budget of the Department of Homeland Security or the Department of Education. And it has been estimated that 20 to 30 percent of these medical expenditures may have had no meaningful impact. It costs up to $10,000 a day to maintain someone in an average intensive care unit, which is where many people end up for the days or months leading up to death. Modern medicine has become so good at keeping people alive by treating the complications of underlying disease that the inevitable process of dying has become difficult and is often prolonged unnecessarily. The process of dying naturally is not only something we resist out of fear, it is also something we resist because it is very profitable business. A business which though profitable for some, could end up bankrupting the nation.

Currently, 75 percent of people die in a hospital or a nursing home. This is a problem when the current societal protocol for keeping people alive at all costs leads hospitals and nursing homes to enact highly invasive preventative measures which leave most people sedated and in pain, in an environment which is unfamiliar and in isolation for most of the day. This is not the way that anyone would choose to die, but it is in fact how the majority of people end up spending their final days. The overwhelming issue staring us in the face is that there is a very fine line between preserving people's chances at a happy life by using advanced medical technology and being prevented (often agonizingly) from dying a natural death. Our current health care system is in the business of resisting death as if it is an unnatural process. Even in the best of circumstances, its laws and practices leave people suffering unreasonably and unnecessarily at the end of life. Because of the fear of death, most people and their families, want to cling to life, and hope for a medical miracle rather than to discuss how they want to die.

End of life care is one of the most important issues of our time. With the baby boom population approaching old age, the medical care market is about to be flooded. It is time for us to really ask ourselves the question... How do we want ourselves and our loved ones to make the transition out of this life? The time has come within our society to approach death differently. The time has come to question the ethics and efficacy of the extraordinary and often hazardous medical interventions which plague the dying process. It is time to radically re-design the environments in which we spend our old age and most especially, our final days.

The time has come for a new kind of end of life care to be provided to the general public which is not just a luxury of the rich. A kind of end of life care approach which recognizes that death is a natural process which we can walk into pain-free and fear-free, surrounded by the people that we love, in environments that reflect wellness and comfort and supported by professionals who are highly passionate and trained at facilitating the process of death for individuals and their loved ones so that it is a step taken with dignity, and with ease. And perhaps most especially, it is time to become acquainted with death as a teacher and not as an enemy so that we can stop living our lives in the space of resistance and instead allow ourselves to really live while we are here.

Teal Scott is a contemporary spiritual guide who (as an extrasensory, esoteric) writes and teaches publicly about spirituality, the meaning of life, and the road to health and happiness.]]> http://spiritandword.org/Charlie_Van_Dyke/blog/end-of-life-care-and-death/ Mon, 14 May 2012 21:49:53 +0000 Charlie Van Dyke http://spiritandword.org/profile-390/blog/let-s-try-this/ Taking time to be still and 'let go' of all thought is valuable as an exercise ...]]> Taking time to be still and 'let go' of all thought is valuable as an exercise in material awareness and practicing listening to material nature for ones own satisfaction. Simply it is calming the mind body for ones own benefit. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.
This practice is not meditation. It is what it is, but it is NOT meditation, for one single reason. The idea that one can become aware of nothingness isn't possible. To focus on NOTHING is not meditation. Meditation is the focus on SOMETHING.
Also there is a much more evident difference between those that actually practice this form of listening for nothing, and those that actually meditate.
I've witnessed it. The 'listeners' pull away from humanity and are very calm, and almost attractive people; until you come to realize their so called 'spiritual' activities serve only themselves. It makes sense; after all they are only interested in seeking nothing from a void they believe exist. It becomes obvious that it is the 'stillness' that they practice. They manage to only become calm, for themselves and what they want. You can't get something out of nothing. That's a fact, that cannot be argued.
What I find mostly is just people that read books on so-called meditation, but really don't even practice that. Maybe they tried it once or twice; so now they believe what they read about 'meditation'. Mostly they are intellectually self sufficient men or woman who could really care less about their neighbor, never mind the rest of humanity. These people need to have a chink discovered in the armor their ego has built through which the light of reason can shine.
All things that come from the Creator are USEFUL for us to help someone else. A person can become happy and content in living, as the direct result of serving God. None of a God fearing individuals intentions are ever to please himself; yet he seeks for no more than he has. THAT is the MIRACLE of doing God's Will. It baffles me when I consistently hear people ask and wonder what God's will is for them; as if it has something to do with the pleasing of their instincts; like a job, or a relationship, or moving to another city; when it is clear that history is filled with stories of God HELPING OTHERS. It is so simple and clear what God wants from us; and what God's will is.
I am surrounded by people that 'get it'. They know as well as I do that the problem we ALL share is SELFISHNESS. We ask God for direction and guidance in any situations that we are unsure of; and then we RELAX AND TAKE IT EASY ABOUT IT. At once we turn our attention to someone we can help. That could be any help. Like taking my neighbor's trash to the curb to going to the local shelter to actually ask someone how they are doing; and then actually listening WITHOUT thinking about what I want to say. THERE ARE ALWAYS opportunities to help someone else. God don't care where I live or where I work or who I marry. God gave me a brain to use. We need to make mistakes in order to grow and become even MORE useful to others. As a matter of fact; the most effective people I see helping other, are the people who really screwed the pooch in living before they turned to God. Listening for the void will not make you perfect. It is NOT the deal with God. God doesn't need saints; He wants WORKERS.
I can hear it now....BUT what about....??
They only way to a truly spiritual life is prayer and self sacrifice, by picking up our feet and working for others as if our lives depended on it; because it does. There are no answers or faith before it. DOING IT brings the answers. Faith without Works is dead.
Here's the acid test: If what you call meditation brings you inspiration and answers on how to be more useful and effective, PRIMARILY; then it is meditation. If what you call meditation DOESN'T do that,then it is mental masturbation, and nothing else.]]> http://spiritandword.org/profile-390/blog/let-s-try-this/ Mon, 14 May 2012 20:24:13 +0000 Henry Robert Kimball http://spiritandword.org/profile-1570/blog/the-dog-on-staten-island/

The Dog on Staten Island

Several times a year I would stay wi...]]>

The Dog on Staten Island

Several times a year I would stay with friends on Staten Island, sometimes for weeks at a stretch. They lived in St. George, which is near the ferry. And on the way from the ferry to their house I passed a grocery store guarded by a large tan brutish dog on a chain – whose aura, by the way, was terrible. The dog was chained outside the store in all weather, and the owner mentioned that at night the dog was locked in the basement. Not a great life for a dog, or any other being for that matter.

The dog growled if you came anywhere near him, and was in general otherwise non-responsive and churlish.

In time, as I learned about the spiritual yearnings and the spiritual development of animals, I decided that this dog needed spiritual training – for the sake of his own soul, but also for the souls of those around him, including his master.

Following a low, short growl from my student-to-be, I stood before him and inwardly told him of Jesus and Mary and the saints. I told him that if he were a good doggie, one day he would go to a beautiful realm filled with love, where there were gardens and beautiful, kind, people and saints and dog biscuits and everything else he could ever want – and I sent him a mental image of such a place, bathed in Sunshine and Peace.

He pretended that he was annoyed and not listening, but I could see that he was listening, and that he was even thinking. I mentally asked St. Francis to come and speak with the dog, and to watch over him in general. I told the dog to pray everyday: i.e. to tell Christ and Mary that he loved them and that he wanted to be a good doggie.

Since the grocery store was only a block away, and on the main street, I saw him many times that visit. I repeated my lecture every time I saw him, and his aura did seem somewhat improved by the time I left Staten Island.

I returned to Staten Island a few months after. I had actually forgotten about the unhappy guard dog, but as I turned the corner to the main street – the dog was waiting for me, his head turned in my direction, as though he knew I was coming. Even though he was chained in front of the grocery store halfway down the block, I saw him instantly. I saw him instantly because his aura was so filled with Light that he shone. Out of all the people and strollers and stores and buses and cars and a plethora of other perceptions – my attention was riveted on the dog's Light. The dog began to pray as I walked towards him, and I say this because of his posture and also because his aura brightened further.

To see such a change in a being, in such a short time, was remarkable, and I told him so. He acted a bit shy with me – although he still maintained his guard dog persona, which was appropriate. In short, he was a changed dog. I saw him almost every day of my visit, and encouraged him to continue his practices when I left Staten Island.

A few months later, back in Ithaca, late one night (and I'm embarrassed to say that I was watching Star Trek on television), suddenly, as sometimes happens, a little movie started playing in my head. I closed my eyes to better see, and there were dogs, hundreds of dogs, all sizes and shapes, colors and breeds, sitting in a single line, one behind the other, it seemed for miles – as far as one could see to the horizon. They were all well behaved, and seemed happy and expectant, a little excited, yet sitting quietly in that long, very long, orderly row. Then, as though the camera taping the show zoomed in for a close-up, suddenly I was standing over the tan dog from Staten Island. There was no mistake about it, it was him. Wonderingly, I turned in the other direction, to see where all these dogs were facing, where the line began.

There were only a few dogs ahead of the dog from Staten Island – and at the head of the line stood Christ. Other dogs were playing and running in a beautiful countryside nearby. Then the inner movie dissolved.

I didn't know what the clairvoyant movie meant.

Six months or so later I returned to my friends on Staten Island. As I came to the corner, I expected the Staten Island dog to turn his head my way, and greet me with his prayers as he had done on my last visit. He did not, in fact he wasn't there.

I went inside the cluttered grocery and found the owner. "Where's your doggie?" I asked. Of course, no one in the world, I'm sure, had ever called his guard dog a doggie before. He looked a little puzzled and then offhandedly said "Oh, the dog – he died about six months ago," and then he turned and talked loudly with a customer.

About six months ago was when I had watched the clairvoyant vision. And even as I write this, so many years later, I am filled with such love for the dog on Staten Island who accomplished so much so quickly – a poor guard dog who freed himself from his difficult life and gained a beautiful realm where Christ Himself would come.]]> http://spiritandword.org/profile-1570/blog/the-dog-on-staten-island/ Sun, 13 May 2012 22:30:04 +0000 Laurie Conrad http://spiritandword.org/profile-1570/blog/transcending-thought-the-desert-fathers-a-mystic-s-journal/
Thursday, November 19

The second poem we stu...]]>
Thursday, November 19

The second poem we studied this past week during meditation class was written by the Desert Father Symeon the New Theologian (The Book of Mystical Chapters; Shambhala; trans. John Anthony McGuckin.).

This poem begins:

You need to gain three things before all others:
The first is freedom from the anxieties of life;
the second is a clear conscience;
the third is complete detachment,
such that your thoughts no longer buzz around
materialities.

Symeon continues: When you have acquired these things,/ then sit down by yourself in a quiet place ... and the remainder of his poem is instruction on meditation. We did not need instruction on meditation, so we concentrated on the initial lines of this wise and beautiful poem.

Even though this poem was written for beginning meditation students, we all need to continue our vigilant work on the opening lines of Symeon’s poem. And for those of you who are considering learning to meditate - they are essential.

The first prerequisite thing Symeon mentions, and the third - are very closely connected. Once we have gained the detachment he speaks of, i.e. detachment from our thoughts and emotions - the anxieties cease of their own accord. In this we need to understand the nature of the ego: simply stated, the ego is a bunch of thoughts. On the spiritual Path, if we identify with our thoughts, then we are standing in the ego. And if we are standing in the ego, we will experience all the negative emotions, including anxiety.

your thoughts no longer buzz around materialities Here Symeon chooses the word materialities - but to the philosopher or saint, materialities includes our material possessions but is not restricted to them. Materialities also include the thought that we and others are the physical body; these materialities also include our emotions, which are the result of our thoughts and perceptions.

In short, if we identify with our thoughts - then we have forgotten the soul and God, we have fallen into materiality - unless our thoughts are about the soul and God, unless out thoughts rest on Divinity. And even these thoughts, in our deepest contemplations, must go.

That having been said, it is very difficult, if not impossible, to stop all our thoughts. Once we are detached from the ego and its myriad thoughts and perceptions, we can cease identifying with our thoughts and emotions. And this is the detachment Symeon is speaking of in this poem.


When we speak of transcending our thoughts and emotions, we mean that we no longer identify with our thoughts and emotions. Instead we know that we are the soul, a being of radiant Light, even as thoughts and emotions arise. When in the physical body, unless given a very high mystical experience, or during the deepest contemplation - we will all have thoughts. In our meditations we are training ourselves to continue putting our concentration on the soul - even as thoughts arise. In time, this will integrate into our daily lives. To live in the world we all must have thoughts - and emotions will arise in us. It is this detachment from our thoughts that Symeon is speaking of in his poem.

Over time, as a result of our meditation practices, we learn to put our attention on the soul even as we speak to others, or do our work, or engage in play.

We then approached the detachment Symeon speaks of from a different angle: i.e. the necessity of facing thoughts and feelings directly, while still knowing that we are all the soul. This step should not be skipped, for repressed ideas and emotions can cause much trouble later. Beyond even this, we must come to the place where we can readily see the ego working in ourselves and others, so that we do not fall into our thoughts and emotions - or those of others. In this way detachment is also achieved, as well as compassion for all sentient beings.

I suggested that during meditation we view our thoughts as we might view dreams: i.e. the vehicle, the mind discharging thoughts and emotions stored within itself. In the deepest contemplation, or in high mystical experience - God and the soul will get rid of all the thoughts for you. Until then, we should not worry about thoughts that arise as we meditate; instead, merely put your attention back on the soul, or on your prayer.]]> http://spiritandword.org/profile-1570/blog/transcending-thought-the-desert-fathers-a-mystic-s-journal/ Sun, 13 May 2012 22:29:42 +0000 Laurie Conrad http://spiritandword.org/profile-1570/blog/patterns-of-grace-the-desert-fathers-a-mystic-s-journal/
Wednesday, November 18

We continue our studies ...]]>
Wednesday, November 18

We continue our studies of the Desert Fathers (The Book of Mystical Chapters; Shambhala; trans. John Anthony McGuckin.). Chris said she had experienced some supernatural fragrances at her home since our last class. Last week I was aware of a new fragrance as we meditated before class, and also during class; this week Chris said she was aware of the distinct fragrance of hyacinth. These mysterious Gifts from the Desert Fathers continue.

The first poem we studied this week was written by the Desert Father, Makarios The Great.

We spent quite a bit of time on comparing two lines of his beautiful poem: Sometimes the soul finds rest and the line, At other times the soul is stirred up by grace. At first my meditation students interpreted these lines to mean in waking state consciousness, i.e. sometimes the soul finds rest and other times it is stirred to action in waking state, in the world. Which is true. However, my interpretation of these two profound lines was the soul in deep repose or active during meditation or contemplation.

Kerry was not clear on the difference between meditation and contemplation; of course both these terms are human words, and each has more than one meaning depending on your spiritual background and method. In our class framework of spiritual practice, meditation means sitting down and clearing your mind of thoughts, save the one thought or prayer you are concentrating on; contemplation is the deeper state where all thoughts cease of their own accord and the soul finds the ineffably deep repose Makarios The Great speaks of in line five.


the soul stirred up by grace started a discussion on Saint Teresa of Avila’s description of meditation and prayer as our efforts to irrigate and water our fields and plants, whereas the infusion of grace was when God Himself sent the fields and plants rain. Chris said that both the soul in repose and the soul stirred by grace were forms of the infusion of Grace; one brought peace, the other Wisdom. In the end, we decided that both these forms of infusion of Grace, in this poem, referred to the soul in meditation or contemplation. And that the understanding and knowledge of the spirit given to the soul stirred by grace is a wordless understanding and knowledge, and a mystical one.

It is also possible that Makarios the Great was speaking of rapture or ecstasy.

However, aside from rapture or ecstasy, this stirring of the soul, this activity within the soul during meditation or contemplation, is the soul assimilating the infused grace given to it; or the transformation of the soul as the result of this infused grace. As I was speaking about this reaction in the soul to the infusion of grace, the image of “co-creating” came to my mind, i.e. the soul and the grace being given to it work together, are as one in this transformation of the soul and body during these experiences.

Chris mentioned that this stirring up of the soul could mean that we should put the soul to work, i.e. “Get to work - help the world.” However, in my view, this Wisdom given to the soul in deep contemplation or ecstasy is giving the soul the seeds of something to later achieve in the world. What Makarios the Great describes in this poem is more the mystical experience of the soul absorbing and assimilating the Light and Divinity being given to it during meditation or contemplation. Outwardly, when we are in deep contemplation, we appear lifeless, motionless; but in these times we can be more active, more alive, more aware than we ever could be in ordinary waking state consciousness. The wordlessly revealed Wisdom revealed to the soul during meditation or contemplation will unfold in its own way and in its own time.

When we first begin to meditate, the Light and Divinity given to us is like a wonderful rain after a very long drought, and so much is being both assimilated and transformed so quickly, that in a sense the soul is active even when in repose. Kerry asked: ‘How do we know what’s going on in our early meditations’ and I answered: “It doesn’t matter if we know or not.” We should never judge our meditations, evaluate them, because we cannot.

Manifold are the patterns of grace ... This exquisite line lent itself to further discussion. Grace comes to us in an infinitude of ways, this we all agreed was true. The phrase patterns of grace was more difficult to understand. Chris explained that the word patterns in this context meant that every meditation would be different; i.e. every gift of grace would have its own special imprint and activity in the soul. I thought this an excellent answer. The phrase patterns of grace also suggests that in spite of the manifold ways grace can act upon the soul, there is a Divine order to all that happens to the soul and to all that exists in our physical universe - whether it be the structure of an atom or the planets in their orbs, the unfolding of events in our physical universe, the patterns of grace given to the soul - or the unfolding of the Divinity embedded within the soul.]]> http://spiritandword.org/profile-1570/blog/patterns-of-grace-the-desert-fathers-a-mystic-s-journal/ Sun, 13 May 2012 22:29:23 +0000 Laurie Conrad