When I was five years old I accompanied my mother to a Good Friday service. It was rare that I was the only sibling tugging on her shirt tails, which made it special and memorable. I don’t really remember the service, but I remember my mom. Out of the corner of my eyes, I witnessed for the first time my mother immersed in prayer. A stillness enveloped her. She appeared to be communicating with someone or something; her face looked serious yet peaceful, pensive yet open. She seemed to be pouring out the yearnings of her heart. I watched in awe for a long time because I saw something different in her face, something that was beyond my understanding. I never forgot that event, and years later it drew me to prayer. It has informed my prayer life with my own style and belief system.

How does one define prayer? Prayer is so personal and unique to each person, it’s frightening to make an attempt. I like the definition, “making oneself present to the Presence.” It’s showing up with all that I am. It’s showing up even if I’m doubting or feel lost. It’s trusting that I will be met with something and someone good.

When I first started praying in my early twenties it took a long time to learn to sit in silence. With time my heart began to open and I grew in an awareness of a Presence that was touching my heart. Often I didn’t want to leave my prayer time because I felt so enveloped, as if I was being gently held. I found myself able to pour out my pain, my bitterness, and my unforgiveness. Healing happened.

These days I prefer pure silence in prayer. It tugs at my raw self, making me feel that I’m safe yet it brings me face to face with myself. Often prayer feels like a slow stripping away of everything in myself that is not true. The paradox is that with all the painful stripping, real healing happens, and a sense of belonging emerges. In deep prayer, I no longer feel alone.

Others have echoed the urgency I feel in prayer. A friend made a decision in prayer that was the opposite of the recommendations of all of his friends. He decided to remain friends with a woman who had left him for another and deeply hurt him. He found a way to forgive her and to redefine their relationship as genuine friends. He feels sure that his decision that grew out of prayer is the right one.

What are the benefits of prayer? Prayer often leaves me feeling supported, grounded and open. Some days I don’t reach that depth of experience. Over time prayer has made my heart more tender, more easily hurt but also stronger. It leaves me vulnerable, but more aware and compassionate with myself and others.

Prayer has come to be like food or oxygen. I must take time for it. I need it to survive.

There are many forms of prayer, for example, Lectio Divina, Centering Prayer, and passive and active prayer, which I will address in subsequent articles.

If I were to give any counsel it would be to just show up. Try not to think too much about defining prayer or the Presence. Give yourself to the process. What is so marvelous is that with this concept of prayer we can guide ourselves with the help of the God of our understanding. Then prayer is a word we have defined for ourselves. I hope you will feel free to share your own prayer experiences on this website and together we can share and grow.

-Flaget Nally