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Posted December 11, 2011 by Charlie Van Dyke in GLBTQ
By John Backman
From Huffington Post
The working title was "gay Christian dialogue," a phrase that makes everything sound so simple: there are gay people, there are straight people, there are Christians.
The dialogue itself taught me otherwise.
For roughly two days, Oriented to Love: Sexual Diversity in the Body of Christ drew together a dozen people who defied simple description, and our conversation gave me a taste of the astounding complexity behind our sexuality. I learned about gay and lesbian people who, while fully owning their orientation, have chosen celibacy because of a deep fealty to their faith tradition. I learned about people who believe that nearly all sex is blessed and expresses aspects of God, even one-night stands. I learned about gay people who, out of a deep and undeniable love, married their closest friends -- of the opposite sex. I heard how our culture has so corrupted our view of sexuality that we have no idea how to touch one another physically, no matter how much we crave it. I learned more about the definition of queer and those who believe marriage should be between one man and one woman.
The twist, for me, is that all these people are striving to live faithfully to the call of Christ.
It's tempting to scramble for a logical resolution to such a paradox -- to filter all the words and perspectives and proceed efficiently to an opinion. I would submit that a great deal of what passes for dialogue on this issue has done just that. Hence, people are quick to conclude that those on the other side are "rationalizing their lifestyle" or "trying to get with the times" or "hiding behind the Bible to avoid change" or simply "pushing their political agenda."
Yes, there are people who do these things. My 11 companions in this dialogue were not among them. For two days, we did not seek a logical solution, but rather lived with the paradox. While sharing our personal stories of sexuality and gender with one another, we also explored thoughts I have rarely, if ever, heard in this context: our need for simplicity in the face of complexity, the value of surrendering our vision of what wholeness looks like, the daunting task of living authentically when social systems favor people who are not you, the need for the Church's repentance of the way it has treated LGBTQ people.
What if we all started living with the paradox for a while -- the paradox of people with myriad different practices and viewpoints living faithfully in the midst of them? Out of these paradoxes, questions often emerge. Here are a few that have emerged for me:
How many orientations are there? Can they change over time?
How many ways are there to live out each orientation -- sexual or gender vocations, as it were?
Can we affirm every one of these vocations as a gift from God? If not, why not?
Why do we resist complexity? Is it because there is a simple answer, or is there another reason?
What if the Christian Church threw open its doors to all people, asking only that they be faithful to the call of Christ in their lives?
Why do we feel the need to reconcile opposing views? What if we just threw them all into the same stew, let them cook and savored the flavor?
How do we live in community with one another -- perhaps the most compelling imperative of the Christian faith -- when we hold radically different beliefs about the way to be in the world?
Is dogma important? Is authority important? Why or why not?
At one point during Oriented to Love, a fellow participant, who knew about my background in advertising, asked what I'd write as a headline to describe the dialogue. While he meant the question as a joke, it got me thinking. And what I came up with was this: "Stop defining. Start listening. This is way more complex than you think."
In that spirit, I would love to hear your input. Grapple with the questions above, or raise your own. I would only ask that you avoid the simplistic. Live with the paradox and speak out of it. Maybe we can break new ground in hearing one another -- as Oriented to Love did in such an extraordinary way.
From Huffington Post
The working title was "gay Christian dialogue," a phrase that makes everything sound so simple: there are gay people, there are straight people, there are Christians.
The dialogue itself taught me otherwise.
For roughly two days, Oriented to Love: Sexual Diversity in the Body of Christ drew together a dozen people who defied simple description, and our conversation gave me a taste of the astounding complexity behind our sexuality. I learned about gay and lesbian people who, while fully owning their orientation, have chosen celibacy because of a deep fealty to their faith tradition. I learned about people who believe that nearly all sex is blessed and expresses aspects of God, even one-night stands. I learned about gay people who, out of a deep and undeniable love, married their closest friends -- of the opposite sex. I heard how our culture has so corrupted our view of sexuality that we have no idea how to touch one another physically, no matter how much we crave it. I learned more about the definition of queer and those who believe marriage should be between one man and one woman.
The twist, for me, is that all these people are striving to live faithfully to the call of Christ.
It's tempting to scramble for a logical resolution to such a paradox -- to filter all the words and perspectives and proceed efficiently to an opinion. I would submit that a great deal of what passes for dialogue on this issue has done just that. Hence, people are quick to conclude that those on the other side are "rationalizing their lifestyle" or "trying to get with the times" or "hiding behind the Bible to avoid change" or simply "pushing their political agenda."
Yes, there are people who do these things. My 11 companions in this dialogue were not among them. For two days, we did not seek a logical solution, but rather lived with the paradox. While sharing our personal stories of sexuality and gender with one another, we also explored thoughts I have rarely, if ever, heard in this context: our need for simplicity in the face of complexity, the value of surrendering our vision of what wholeness looks like, the daunting task of living authentically when social systems favor people who are not you, the need for the Church's repentance of the way it has treated LGBTQ people.
What if we all started living with the paradox for a while -- the paradox of people with myriad different practices and viewpoints living faithfully in the midst of them? Out of these paradoxes, questions often emerge. Here are a few that have emerged for me:
How many orientations are there? Can they change over time?
How many ways are there to live out each orientation -- sexual or gender vocations, as it were?
Can we affirm every one of these vocations as a gift from God? If not, why not?
Why do we resist complexity? Is it because there is a simple answer, or is there another reason?
What if the Christian Church threw open its doors to all people, asking only that they be faithful to the call of Christ in their lives?
Why do we feel the need to reconcile opposing views? What if we just threw them all into the same stew, let them cook and savored the flavor?
How do we live in community with one another -- perhaps the most compelling imperative of the Christian faith -- when we hold radically different beliefs about the way to be in the world?
Is dogma important? Is authority important? Why or why not?
At one point during Oriented to Love, a fellow participant, who knew about my background in advertising, asked what I'd write as a headline to describe the dialogue. While he meant the question as a joke, it got me thinking. And what I came up with was this: "Stop defining. Start listening. This is way more complex than you think."
In that spirit, I would love to hear your input. Grapple with the questions above, or raise your own. I would only ask that you avoid the simplistic. Live with the paradox and speak out of it. Maybe we can break new ground in hearing one another -- as Oriented to Love did in such an extraordinary way.
paula cornell wrote at January 4, 2012
0 Votes 
your writing and descriptions of where the group was and where they were going was good info. I know you said to avoid the simplistic but it seems to me to be more simple than people make it. Christ was a simple man who turned no one away. Buddha was a simple man who taught those that would hear. the Dalai Lama turns no one away to hear simple words. appearing to be simple anyway. our way to be in the world is to be who god created us to be. even in the face of prejudice and hatred and violence. we live by example and hope someone gets it. I am a chaplain and hope that my living simply and compassionately will set an example for those that are hurting and missing something in their lives. the evangelical right in this country do not know how to truly live Christ's teachings. we need to lead and show them what love really means. blessings paula oh and my lesbian friend is a minister and out and found a church that accepted her for the brilliant and loving person she is. this is our "civil rights" or "freedom" issue. we can do it.
Brother Ken wrote at December 14, 2011
0 Votes
Excellent.....how powerful to LIVE this dialogue with 11others for two days. Thank you. I love it. As I read your article I felt like I was listening to my favorite Sunday morning radio program---Krista Tippetts 'OnBeing.org' Almost always having and living these very discussions. Living the paradox.
Many years ago in one of my seminary classes on how to best plant a growing, healthy church, my professor said: 'Brothers and Sisters, if you truly practice unconditional love in your parish, people would break down your doors to get in!'
Wow! It gave new meaning of love and acceptance to all. We don't have to agree with everyone or sanction their lifestyles as our own---we can let their diversity help us see more clearly who we are gifted to be to ourselves and others.
A former Roman Catholic Priest and I used to lead discussions in the college dorm rooms on sexuality. Many students felt that being sexual was being intimate. My priest friend, who at the time kept his celibacy vows said, 'I have had to find ways to be intimate without being sexual ' Then he made the jump to his God when he said, 'My God is a gentle Lover, He will not rape you...He doesn't force himself on you....He is patient and always waiting...loving us from a distance or close up.'
Many years ago in one of my seminary classes on how to best plant a growing, healthy church, my professor said: 'Brothers and Sisters, if you truly practice unconditional love in your parish, people would break down your doors to get in!'
Wow! It gave new meaning of love and acceptance to all. We don't have to agree with everyone or sanction their lifestyles as our own---we can let their diversity help us see more clearly who we are gifted to be to ourselves and others.
A former Roman Catholic Priest and I used to lead discussions in the college dorm rooms on sexuality. Many students felt that being sexual was being intimate. My priest friend, who at the time kept his celibacy vows said, 'I have had to find ways to be intimate without being sexual ' Then he made the jump to his God when he said, 'My God is a gentle Lover, He will not rape you...He doesn't force himself on you....He is patient and always waiting...loving us from a distance or close up.'
Stormie Barella wrote at December 13, 2011
0 Votes
I think it is sad when people who are gay have to hide their sexual orientation because they want to be accepted by the chruch.
Samir Khuller wrote at December 12, 2011
0 Votes
I can see that Christianity and Homosexuality is just as complex as us in the Islamic community. We too must grapple with this sometimes to a large extreme.
Russ Letica wrote at December 12, 2011
0 Votes
I believe when societies conscience begins to think in the reality of humanity. The hatred geared towards any living thing through religion, will dissipate.
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